Dementia…Stops her not from Dhikr

She was born in the noble city of Hamaamah deep in what is known today as the Ghazza Strip, Filasteen. Born to a modest family who were farmers, she understood the land and loved working it. She married at 15 to a young man whose aspirations were for Allah ta’alaa. It was not long that they had two beautiful young children. Suddenly, the tanks begin roling into her land. Her town attacked. Her people and family, displaced, without food, struggling for their lives. Those two beautiful children die of starvation, she could no longer produce milk - her body was malnourished. Unbearable pain! Ya Allah! Ya Kareem! Ya Lateef!

 Her husband flees with her to the eastern province of Saudi Arabia where he works for the hospitals. Life is easier, but the memories of horror still haunt her dreams. She begins making and selling clothes. Running a business from within her home and raising her 9 other children. Oh Allah! Grant me the patience to continue! Give me your blessings and shed them on my family!

 Grandchildren everywhere, she plays with them, loves them, cares for them. Her hands now ache from athritis. Swollen, stinging in pain. Her joints no longer let her move the way she did on the farm in her youth. Oh Allah! Old age has befallen me! Oh Allah! Shed your mercy upon me, grant me your love, help me to draw near to you, forgive me of all my sins!

Her husband, nearly 90, takes care of her. Helps her to the restroom. Helps her around in her wheelchair. Massauges her aching bones. He only hopes his taking care of her will remove his past sins. Oh Allah! Forgive me for 90 years worth of sins! You are the most gracious and most merciful!

Senility has set in. Doctors say she has dementia. She can no longer walk - except with aid. She rarely knows where she is, what time it is, when she will eat. Allah is the last one she recognizes. She constantly makes Dhikr, calling upon Allah to help her in her confusion. Begging Him to bless everything she sees. He is her rope. Her love. Ya Kareem! She says. Ya Allah! Laa ilaaha illa Allah, she repeats often. Though Allah has placed upon her senility, she still makes Salaah, and never stops her dhikr.

This is my grandmother Aminah. I have seen her with my own eyes, in her confusion, call upon the last thing she recognizes; Allah. It pains me to see her confused and disoriented. Yet when I hear her dhikr, when I see her clinging to her Khimaar - hoping still to apply modesty, when I see her make her Salaah while begging Allah for his help, I have hope. I have hope that one day I could possibly be as blessed as she. Blessed with an end full of dhikr and love of Allah. In her weakest moments she only thinks of Allah. Constantly I hear the most beautiful athkaar from her. She smiles, while not knowing who anyone is. Hoping still to receive hasanaat. Many Kuffaar have I seen with dementia, yet none remember Allah. None sit and beseech him for His mercy and love. None call upon His name in confusion. None find comfort in Allah’s remembrance.

I recall when I was christian, visiting my father briefly when they flew in from Dammam. I remember I thought this woman was crazy for all the times she mentioned that “muzlim god - Allah”. She was always praying. I used to ask myself, why would a person pray this much? Now that I am Muslim, I see in her what I aspire to be. One who befriends Allah. One whose love of the Divine never ceases. Now I ask myself, will I be blessed enough to love Allah as much as she in my old age?

 Allah says:

“O mankind! if ye have a doubt about the Resurrection, (consider) that We created you out of dust, then out of sperm, then out of a leech-like clot, then out of a morsel of flesh, partly formed and partly unformed, in order that We may manifest (our power) to you; and We cause whom We will to rest in the wombs for an appointed term, then do We bring you out as babes, then (foster you) that ye may reach your age of full strength; and some of you are called to die, and some are sent back to the feeblest old age, so that they know nothing after having known (much), and (further), thou seest the earth barren and lifeless, but when We pour down rain on it, it is stirred (to life), it swells, and it puts forth every kind of beautiful growth (in pairs).”

 Indeed she knows not what she used to know, save her Rabb, her only truly love.

 Oh Allah, Grant us your love and mercy in our old age. Place your name on our tongues when we know no other name! Bring us near to you in this life. Grant us pardon and forgive us our wretched sins. Bless your Prophet, your Slave, Your beloved, Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)!